“Swimming at the Hampstead lido the other day, I felt like Captain Cook landing for the first time in Polynesia - the only unpainted man for thousands of miles. People gaped in awe at the aggressiveness of my undoodled carapace. I swear, so ubiquitous have tattoos become, so much the uniform of every naked Briton, that unpainted skin now seems rebellious and exotic. Being untattooed is the new tattoo.”
